Starring writers, Jess + Peter
- 83 minutes. Rated PG-13.
Quote: George Zinavoy: I’m allergic to hormones.
Sally Howe: What hormones?
George Zinavoy: My own
It’s not every day that two members of the blog get a chance to sit down and simultaneously watch the same movie. Over the 4th of July holiday, we did just that. This was Jessica’s pick out of Peter’s huge selection of DVDs from the local library and unfortunately for both of them, it was a dud (sorry, Peter).
Angsty teen George (Freddie Highmore) is in the last few months of his senior year of high school. He is experiencing major senioritis and decides that he will not do any work this year. He says, “everyone is born alone, and everyone dies alone, so why bother?” (he obviously hasn’t seen the recent recession numbers). This all changes when a fellow hot classmate, Sally (Emma Roberts), befriends him and gives him something to live for, even if it’s just blue balls.
The List
- Plot
Jessica: For a movie that starts with everyone is born alone and everyone dies alone, I was expecting at least one death (maybe a random hit by a bus/NYC train). There was none of this. George magically turns his life around and everyone except for his mentor artist, Dustin (Michael Angarano) gets an all-too-happy ending. A major plot point and symbol of George’s angst is his lack of artistic inspiration. He just can’t find anything to paint, until the end of course. Oh, what a surprise, guess what he paints? We already guessed it. I’m tired of these movies.
Peter: Everyone dies alone was definitely something that excited us towards the beginning of this film. Do you remember this period of pubescent angst? Nothing can go your way, no one understands you? Blah, blah, blah. This movie really started to get a good handle on that idea. ENTER HOT GIRL. All of a sudden, the stars have aligned, purpose now exists, the world makes sense. Give me a break. You serious? CRAP.
- Characters
Jessica: These characters were unrealistic and frustrating. Principal Martinson (Blair Underwood) gives George multiple chances, even though he doesn’t deserve them. I don’t think this is a very realistic portrayal of the student/principal relationship (I was always a good kid, so perhaps this is why I never experienced it). We were excited about a guest spot by Alicia Silverstone as his English teacher, but she just seemed tired the entire time.
Also, Sally is a huge tease the entire movie. She plays mind games with George and never clearly stated her feelings up front. When George finally mans up, Sally just wants to be friends and now it’s all awkward. There weren’t any Full House sit-down learning moments, either; Sally’s mother tries to be a MILF while George’s parents are experiencing money trouble, and neither are on screen long enough to feel a real connection to. (Oh and Peter, Zoe, the one who we thought looked like a dude, is actually Steven Spielberg’s daughter, Sasha Spielberg). I also kept confusing Freddie Highmore for Zach Efron. That’s never a good sign.
Peter: Well that is certainly the only reason that she landed a part in this god-awful movie. It wasn’t even in that “so bad it’s good” category. It was just bad. The plot was straightforward predictable garbage. We really wanted it to be good, too. You’re hearing from some formerly angsty teens; in fact, we were rooting for this movie from the get go. What a let down though, for reals. For Jessica, (I hate to say it) but those mind games that Sally was playing… totally accurate. I won’t get crude, but maybe I’ll rhyme it out for you. Smitches Smee Smazy.
Jessica: Girls don’t corner the market on mind games. Behind every smitch, is a guy who takes it. Why? I have no idea.
- Music
Jessica: The soundtrack was the only thing that saved this movie. We actually paused the credits so we could see what bands were included. The Shins, Clap Your Hands Say Yeah, French Kicks, and Mates of States were just a few.
Peter: Lest ye forget, the best songs in the movie came from Leonard Cohen and The Boxer Rebellion (sidenote: In the last two days I’ve seen movies with The Boxer Rebellion and they in fact are in Going the Distance). An excellent soundtrack and certainly the only part of this movie I liked in the slightest.
(end of The List)
I say watch the trailer below in light of our comments, you can laugh and just forget this movie ever existed. It was definitely fun to watch the movie with a fellow blogger and team up on spewing hatred. I think deep down, we are still those angsty kids, and were disappointed when we couldn’t identify with this heaping pile of crap.
