99 minutes. Rated R.
Time is an ocean, not a garden hose.
Dave (Chase Williamson) and John (Rob Mayes) are losers. Well, John does have a band. But their slackerdom grants them a powerful advantage in the world of the occult, where, fueled by the mind-expanding substance known as Soy Sauce, they operate as the ultimate paranormal investigation team. But what is Soy Sauce? Is it a drug, an alien, a religion, or all of the above? Why are its human users dying and what horrific threat is it bringing into our dimension? Only Dave and John have a chance of finding out–if they can get their act together in time.
What Dude, Where’s My Car? was to nineties stoners, what Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure was to sci-fi stoners, John Dies At The End is to horror movie stoners. In a word: the ultimate Lovecraftian horror comedy homage stoner mashup movie. I counted mall zombies, ghost busters, and a few other classic horror tributes before my limited knowledge of classic horror canon ran out. Really, John Dies At The End was kind of wasted on me. I was also sober, and I kind of suspect that the film would have been a more enjoyable experience if I’d been a little smashed.
Still, I was entertained and didn’t feel like I’d been talked down to. The film makes just enough sense to operate within its own rules. Beyond that, it was fairly frank about the level of seriousness with which it took itself. There was definitely plenty of substance, which stood it in contrast to some of the more god-awful supposed-to-be-good horror movies I’ve seen recently, including Jennifer’s Body and the dreadful 2010 remake of Nightmare on Elm Street.
John Dies was hilarious, which was critical to its status not just as a solid horror comedy, but as a solid horror film period. Remember the worst part about Freddy in the original Nightmares? He was so damn funny! You can’t help but kind of enjoy him. His sense of humor gives him a power beyond the screen: the power to bring you over to his side a bit, to make you react with anything but disgust at his antics, to make YOU a little bad too. That’s identity, yo. Comedy is almost always more existentially scary than horror (ask any clown). John Dies isn’t dealing with fears of Lovecraftian horrors or vaginas or bugs–it’s dealing with fears of responsibility, accountability and adulthood. That’s why it’s so damn hilarious when our heroes walk away from an urgent SOS to finish their basketball game. Why we love the fact that they happily call a competent older magician to deal with a particularly large monster. Why the world is actually saved by a noble, self-sacrificing dog, and why Dave and John are totally OK with that.
John Dies At The End is for smart horror movie fans who are still just a little nervous about having the world on their shoulders. It’s visually strong, funny, and available streaming on Netflix.
