Ted
- 106 minutes. Rated R.
John: “I wish I had just gotten a Teddy Ruxpin!”
Ted: “Take that back.”
When I was younger, I had a stuffed cat named Furball, from the animated 90s series, Tiny Toon Adventures. I wished more than anything that he would come to life. I’m sure most people wished the same thing about their favorite toy (Right? Right???). Ted is writer/director Seth MacFarland’s dream come true. If you have seen his hit TV adult cartoon series, Family Guy, this movie is very reminiscent of the series.
John Bennett (Mark Wahlberg) is a 35-year-old going nowhere with his life, at least according to his girlfriend, Lori Collins (Mila Kunis). He works at a car rental shop in Boston, soon to be promoted to branch manager (if he can stop getting stoned and skipping work). He spends most of his time with his talking teddy bear, Ted (voiced by Seth MacFarlane). Ted has been John’s best friend since he made a wish when he was eight that his teddy bear was real. After the celebrity status of a living teddy bear wore out, Ted lives with Lori and John. Ted is like Brian the talking dog from Family Guy. He smokes, womanizes, parties hard, and always tempts John into trouble. Lori has finally had enough of his childish antics and makes John choose between her and Ted. Meanwhile, her rich, sketchy boss at work, Rex (Joel McHale), keeps trying to woo her. John must find a way to satisfy both Lori and Ted before he loses Lori for good.
For fans of Family Guy, this one is a sure hit. It is full of witty dialogue and swearing, with MacFarlane’s telltale, darkly inappropriate one-liners. After doing cocaine for the first time, Ted and John have a peppy discussion about opening a restaurant. Ted mentions that they should allow everyone in, even Jews… but not Mexicans (needless to say, if you just frowned at that joke, don’t see this movie and please don’t take children; just because it has a stuffed bear doesn’t make it a kid’s movie). These scenes were interspersed with his random, and sometimes awkward, comedic flashbacks. Even the fight scene between Ted and John is straight out of an episode of Family Guy, when the entire family goes War of the Roses on each other. The people behind us at the movie theater felt the need to repeat many lines right after and laugh, as if they had made them up themselves (chalk that up to another pet peeve of mine).
The flashback of cleaning up the hooker’s poop was probably the best acting I’ve seen from Mila and Mark in a long time. This seemed like a fun role for both of them, and it was easy to see Mark as hopelessly in love with Mila (who wouldn’t? She’s a total babe). Neither had much of a challenging role to play and it made them seem more natural.
The accents and local landmarks will be appreciated by metro-Boston area residents. Anyone born in the late 70s- early 80s will also get chuckles from many pop culture mentions. A few highlights include a special appearance by science fiction movie Flash Gordon star, Sam J. Jones, an idol of Ted, John, and obviously Seth MacFarlane. Then there’s Ted singing old 90s karaoke songs, and a nod at a coveted childhood favorite, Teddy Ruxpin. Many celebrities had cameos in the movie, including Patrick Stewart, (Star Trek) as the narrator, and Ryan Reynolds, as the gay boyfriend of John’s co-worker, Guy (Patrick Warburton). When Ryan kisses Guy, the sheer look of misery is hilarious. It was as if he lost an off-screen bet that Seth made with him, and he was obligated to do it. Also, how did he get Giovanni Ribisi to do a sexy dance to Tiffany’s hit single, I Think We’re Alone Now?
For parents reading this review, there is implied sexual innuendo (kids probably learn worse on the bus these days), coarse language, and drug use. Most of the movie reflects letting go of someone’s childhood “id,” the pleasure center of the brain, to a more responsible grown up married life. The ending mostly throws that out the window and I’m glad. We’re all still 8 year olds deep down, and we should embrace that.
