Fright Night
- 106 minutes. Rated R.
“You read way too much Twilight”
Much like one of those heated emails you should never send before re-reading, I probably should wait until I’ve cooled off overnight before I write this, but I am angry. Hollywood has mangled another classic Horror movie from the 80s. This time it’s the original 1985 Fright Night, directed by Tim Holland. I’m pretty sure that this girl’s face in the bottom right corner of this remake Fright Night scene sums up this movie for me.
Charlie Brewster (Anton Yelchin), a reformed dork, scores hot girlfriend, Amy Peterson (Imogen Poots), (What actress chooses to keep a last name like Poots?) and dumps his old friends for her. This part of the movie fits the new Disney formula until “Evil” Ed (Christopher Mintz-Plasse), Charlie’s ex best friend, tries to convince him that people have been disappearing in their cookie cutter housing complex outside Las Vegas, and vampires are the culprit. Charlie is too busy acting cool to care and Ed disappears next. Finally Charlie begins to believe that his next door neighbor, Jerry Dandridge (Colin Farrell), is really a vampire. He tries to convince drunkard illusionist, Peter Vincent (David Tennant), a so-called vampire expert, to help him, with mixed results. When Amy is kidnapped by Jerry, Charlie must rescue her before she becomes his next victim.
The dialogue was as horrendous as the acting. Here is a sampling of a few of my favorites:
“We could have rocked this evil shit together.”
“Girls make you slow in the head, pussy does that.”
“Is this good for you? because I’m really feeling homo about you.”
“You gave a sacrifice to the hot ass gods.”
“That’s fiction, okay. This is real. He’s a real monster and he’s not brooding, or lovesick, or noble. He’s the fucking shark from Jaws. He kills, he feeds, and he doesn’t stop until everybody around him is dead. And I seriously am so angry you think I read Twilight.”
“That’s a fucked up vampire hand now do you believe me?”
This is labeled a comedy horror but it wasn’t campy or funny. It was ludicrous and only horrifying to watch. For such a simple plot, it felt rushed. The great part about the original Fright Night was the build up and the special effects. No one believes Charlie, at first, while Jerry toys with him. He comes over for dinner, makes friends with his mother, seduces Amy, and converts Ed. It’s all a game to Jerry and it didn’t come off as successfully in the remake.
There’s no emotional connection to any of the characters. Christopher Mintz Plasse was well, McLovin from Super Bad, only obsessed with vampires. He has some of the worst lines in the entire movie and I’m glad he died. (oh, sorry, spoiler!) Also when he changed into a vampire, he kinda looked like a young Ben Stiller.
Colin Farrell came off as a creepy next door neighbor rather than a sexy, seductive vampire. He has an entire conversation with Charlie about smelling ripe woman that would have put him on the sex offender list. He also addresses everyone as “Hey Guy”. If this is any indication of what the remake of Total Recall with Colin Farrell will be like, count me out.
Imogen Poots’ portrayal of Amy comes off as slutty and popular, while the original Amy played by Amanda Bearse, (always known to me as Marcy from the TV show, Married with Children), was innocent and cloistered, which made the seduction by Jerry all the more fascinating. My boyfriend swears Imogen’s boobs got bigger after becoming a vampire, which is the only thing I can say about her acting.
For me, a good remake stands on its own, gives a few nods to the original, and is a successful modernizing of the original. (Why else would you do the same movie twice? oh wait, money. This movie grossed over $18 million.) The scene when Amy is seduced by Jerry in the night club is slightly comparable to the original, while scenes of Charlie trying to figure out how to pick locks on the internet fail miserably. The only true nod to the original was when Chris Sarandon, the original Jerry, made a short special appearance.
The camera shots were sloppy and the CGI (computer generated imagery) was over the top. While Charlie is looking out the window to spy on Jerry, the angle of the window is awkward and the depth of field changes are jarring. Other pieces of furniture in the shots detract from the movie, perhaps a failed attempt at trying to make this movie 3D. It is also quite apparent in the car chase scene, that everything done outside the actual minivan was computer generated. They also highly overused the “single tear” shot, where one tear runs down their face during a dramatic scene. When Evil Ed dies in the original, it is one of the top disturbing horror movie scenes of my childhood. (The Human Centipede would probably be the one of my adulthood.) The remake death was emotionless and full of lame dialogue and uninspiring CGI for the sake of CGI.
The only thing that saved the movie for me was David Tennant, once he took his wig and goatee off, and stopped looking like Russell Brand. For those who aren’t fans of the British science fiction TV series, Dr. Who, he’s been the best incarnation of the doctor and I miss him terribly. During a rehearsal performance of his illusionist show in this movie, Peter outstretches his hand and tries to shoot fire from it. It is the same pose he makes when he uses his sonic screwdriver in Dr. Who. Did I mention he is shirtless, belligerent, and wears leather pants in this movie? Much sexier, I think, than the original Peter played by Roddy McDowall. If you pretend this is just a bad Dr. Who filler episode, it will make the last forty minutes bearable.
This movie just made me want to write to Russell T. Davies to see if he can bring back David Tennant as the doctor so he doesn’t have to do terrible American movies anymore. Please let this movie get buried under Twilight in the movie cemetery and watch the original. Your taste in movies is at stake.
